Coffee is serious business
by Guy-East
Summary: Fairy Tail needs coffee as much as they need the booze. But they all have their own preferences. A drabble about the girls arguing about their favourite coffees with Natsu losing his cool when the battle escalates.(*T* for language)Thanks to (holaanora) for the suggestion


**[A:N This popped up in my head while writing another story, and couldn't resist but write it. I am not a coffee fanatic, I have tried only 15~ish types of coffee and Moroccan in a french press is my favourite and daily driver. Please assume this story was written by someone who doesn't know any about coffee.]**

 **{I don't know how the formatting will turn out so I may revise it}**

"Nothing better than a long black" came the voice of Mira, "Don't you think so Lisanna?"

"I prefer an espresso, strong, and sophisticated. Just like my men." Shot back Lisanna.

"Irish, girls. Nothing better than an Irish to get you going in the morning. Especially if you wake up with one." slurred out Cana "With nothing on…" with a wink.

"I'm telling you Cana, an espresso is better and you'll be a mess if you come across one" Lisanna shot back. "And you always have the wrong proportion of whisky to coffee, and you mix sugar with coffee, that's revolting. Everyone knows that you flambé the whisky with the sugar."

"Yeah… but that takes out the punch. What's the point of an Irish if you can't handle the booze?"

"But… but. Long… black…." Whimpered out Mira, so uncharacteristically out of her nature.

"OH SHUT UP YOU AMERICANO SLUT! Diluting the goodness because you can't stand the warm, strong tingling in your body after the delicate lovemaking producing the best coffee ever but you HAVE to go ruin it with your BLOODY WATER!"

By now it had gained everyone's attention and heads turned to see what was going on.

"Hey there guys. What's going on?" asked Lucy, who had just finished a job with Natsu came through the doors. His dragon senses had picked up the shout outside the doors but didn't think too much about it.

"LUCCYY! They are being mean towards my coffee." cried Mira with tears just threatening to fall out.

Lucy sweat-dropped. "Well Mira…. Your coffee is bad. Its bland and tasteless with water taking away the texture. You ask me. Mocha's the way the go."

The hall suddenly began to heat up. Even Gray maxing his magic didn't provide relief. People were starting to leave. This wasn't a good omen and those who knew Natsu were well acquainted with the fact that hell's gonna break loose.

"I didn't expect this from you Lucy. Nor anyone else here." came the low cold voice of Natsu. "Your coffees are terrible. Yet you argue on who's is the best."

"All of you use those terrible Robustas you pick up from the bargain bin. That will not do! Look at you all, all comfy in the city that you forget the simpler ways to cook it. Tell me Mira, why do you insist on feeding us this muck?"

Mira broke into tears with this. Never has her cooking been insulted like this.

The girls suddenly got murderous. If looks could kill, not even Natsu's ashes would be left on earth.

The only thing preventing them from boiling Natsu in a pot was the fact that heat was rolling off him in waves. Nobody dared to go near him.

"Well then! How would you make coffee?" asked Lucy.

"Let me show you. Come to the kitchen" replied Natsu

"Mavis Mira! Don't you keep this clean?" Natsu asked looking at the mess.

"You all have grown accustomed to the machines. When you are out there, an espresso isn't an option. You either boil it or keep a small French press like me. Come on I'll show you."

"Damn Mira, you are a better cook than them. You should know never to keep roasted coffee for more than a day. I'm disappointed. Guess I'll have to start from scratch."

Mira was still sobbing quietly. But the girls were calmer.

"Beans first." said Natsu taking a pack of green Arabica out of his bag. "Normally I would throw these in the campfire but I'll manage." Natsu said while taking out a small French press.

He put the beans in a baking tray and used his magic to set fire below it.

"Hey Natsu? Why do you use the campfire when you have your magic.?" asked Lisanna

"Magic takes away the taste, my fire burns out the flavor and oils, the coffee is usually non edible." Replied Natsu

"Hey Mira! Where do you keep the grinder?" asked Natsu

"I... I… don't have a grinder. I buy pre ground coffee"

"No wonder the coffee isn't great."

"I'll just have to use my own." said Natsu while taking out his lacrima operated burr-grinder out of his travelling backpack.

"HOLY HELL! That is a 30,000 jewel grinder. Where did you get it from?" asked Mira in a shock.

"Oh this? The townsfolk gave me this and some coffee from their estates when I took that monster hunting job few months back. That's how I got into coffee. You can make better coffee from a cheap machine but a better grinder."

The coffee was done and they didn't even need to stir it due to the automatic arm in the kitchen.

Natsu quickly took the coffee and ground it coarse Then quickly emptied it in the press along with some cinnamon, cardamom, ginger, black pepper, and a little salt.

"Natsu, you are ruining the coffee. You don't add all these spices." Lucy shrieked waking Cana from her alcohol induced slumber.

'Hey Cana. You up? Good. This'll take care of the hangover." Natsu said while pouring hot water into the press.

After it was done, Natsu pressed hard and poured the coffee for each of the occupants in the room.

"So… How was it?" asked Natsu in a sing-song voice.

 **(100 jewel= 1 USD, FairyTail, volume 1, authors note)**

 **[ I would like to thank my buddies** 'primrose02' **and** 'navis4ever' **for the motivation provided, encouraging me to write. Go check out their stories. If you liked mine, you would love theirs. If you hated mine, go anyways, it's bound to be better than mine.**

 **Remember kids, Coffee is serious business]**

 **-Guy-East-**


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